When I saw my eldest son ‘M’ for the first time, it took my breath away. The moment is always with me and I look back and talk about it whenever I can….here with you, with the kids and with my friends. The feeling was no different with my second boy ‘G’. I’ve always had a strong drive to keep both of my boys safe and a bit wrapped up in cotton wool. Those that know me would nod along now and hopefully smile in recognition as I’m probably the most over protective of the lot. I’ve heard of empty nest syndrome but never pre empty nest syndrome….my babies are still at home, just growing up.
As my eldest reaches towards 12 I am having a few moments when I struggle with him taking that next step towards teenagehood and being more independent. I think maybe it’s because it’s the start of another school year and so many different questions….and behaviours have begun to show.
The reluctance by him to spend as much time with me has been something to get used to. Having him want to spend time alone, chatting with his friends without wanting me around is something new. I love it so much, that he’s growing up and he has lovely friends who all get on and laugh at their own in-jokes. However, I’m now looking on at this and not instigating it. It’s not created by me – for him…..I’m not included as much, wow, when did this happen? I’m starting not to be the only big thing in his world. It’s a bit of a shock!
The full on unashamed spontaneous hugs have also started to fizzle out, when they do come it’s magical and I crush him in my embrace. He does that ‘ok mum’ and giggles, knowing that I will undoubtedly now ruffle his hair which he has just preened and styled to an inch of its life.
My rational side knows that I am proud of what we have achieved. This is what I have been preparing him for so why does it give me a lump in my throat even writing about it?
I know that being a parent is to nurture and care for our young and I realise that they are not to be owned by us. We have to prepare them and set them on their own unique path. I hadn’t realised until now that the notion of this would be so hard, I had been in the caring role for so long.
It’s all such a learning curve being a parent. I’m always amazed at the different emotions it brings.
Am I alone or is this normal or even normal-ish? Do you ever get these feelings?
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