Do you ever wonder if the bizarre, naughty or plain un-mummy things you think of are just you….I do!
Well here’s my confession….I don’t enjoy the responsibility all of the time.
1st disclaimer – if you’ve ever pursed your lips and tutted at someone who’s being un-mummyish then please don’t read on…. I need to have this vent.
I mean, I look at a lot of people and they seem to ‘cope’. Not only cope but even seem to enjoy being around their children all the time and doing mum stuff. One of the reasons I came off Facebook was because I couldn’t bear being mummy shamed by people looking relaxed and joyfully baking with their lovely little darlings, not just highdays and holidays, but regular as clockwork. Also making things and posting photos that show smiling clean children who look like they actually appreciate the perfectly turned out mum or dad next to them.
Here are a few of my sins:
I clock watch for when it’s time the kids have to go to bed. I also get a little excited as I look forward to it. My eyes flit from the bottle of wine, to the snack cupboard to my iPad, all gently purring my name in a frequency no one else in the house can hear.
I would rather not read a children’s story book all the way through at bedtime, I’m tired at 8 myself! The afore mentioned chorus of goodies downstairs is deafening to my ears by this point. I want my children to read well and I want to celebrate with them…just earlier in the evening please.
I’d like to spend more time and money on grown up stuff like make-up and clothes. Instead I blow it on boys toys, classes and kids ‘stuff’. I spend time on my things, I just need to balance it out a bit more.
I don’t particularly enjoy having their friends round, only because I find it stressful. Their friends are great – it’s me! What if they get hurt, fall out with each other or hear me swear under my breath as I stub my toe and then they repeat on a loop, steadily driving me into anxiety overload. Or worse, after having a successful couple of hours, burst into tears as soon as their parents arrive. It happens! I don’t know why, but it’s a kids phenomenon, they do it to torment adults.
Sometimes I just don’t get it – I don’t understand the rules of parenting, I forget that children are immature, yeah doh! I find myself standing in the middle of a room trying to reason with two boys who just want to tease, argue, play and do their own thing without mature interruption.
Finally, I’d like to be strong enough to actually follow through, just once, with whatever I’ve threatened to take away ‘by the time I count to three!’ Even my eldest at 10 started saying that I don’t ever do it, he’s 12 now and nothing has changed. So I’m inconsistent now and freak out at the small stuff.
2nd Disclaimer: Of course I love my kids! Of course I wouldn’t change a bloomin thing and of course my kids are my world. They fill me to bursting point with love and make me boil over with a loyalty to protect them.
But this parenting lark can be bloomin hard and sometimes I need to let off steam! Away from the kids, into my own little space. Sometimes it’s good to shout from the rooftops or into blogging world that it’s tough – without having to apologise or justify…..at least not too much;)
Do you ever feel the same or is it all plain sailing for you?
When I flip the other way I start worrying about the future and when they go out into the big wide world, I call it pre-empty nest syndrome. Hormones clearly play a big role in parenting for me and the huge job demands big feelings.
Updated October 2018
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